Forget Museveni and Mbabazi’s lover’s tiff, whoever owns your land is your new daddy

O Uganda! 2016 is upon us like a plague! What with the ‘sorrow’ candidature fanfares, ‘Go Forward’ frenzy, Dr. Besigye’s  u-turn, Mbabazi’s funeral and everything else in between.

Mbabazi’s ‘Go Forward’ campaign’s relentlessness only compares to a bride keen on erasing calluses on her husband’s feet on the night of the wedding.

Here is a campaign so aggressive it will find its way into every household whether we like it or not. How? Children will soon be jumping home with exercise books and geometry sets––complete with Mbabazi’s picture.

In #GoForward, it seems not enough that Ugandans might be dog tired of these entitled NRM cadres vying for the highest office in the land, we must be reminded of the same machinations that scream; ‘all votes are up for grabbing’ a move devoid of principle for why would we need geometry sets to ‘look’ at the man we’ve seen around for the past thirty years?

These geometry sets not only serve as a reminder of the failures of the NRM regime, they also become a side-splitting joke when they are given where we need Grade IV clinics instead.

This blatant and arrogant assumption that the politician sets the price of the vote is downright pre-emptive of the continued lack of concrete commitment to the ills born out of bad governance.

Add the fickle crowds that are always eager to cheer on ‘new’ heroes and you’ve got a cocktail of confusion.

It is not that hard to prove these days that many politicians run around with hired crowds; whose job is to silence inquiries while promoting senseless cheering.

These crowds for hire get sucked into these cycles of euphoria making it easy for politicians to exploit everyone else every election time.

This is what makes me wish the masses had a pimp. A real pimp working in their favour. Like a PR guru would do for a corporation. This pimp would negotiate for the farmers, bricklayers, not because our ‘peasants’ can’t see through the lies of politicians, but because the price of the vote needs to go higher.

Literary, after all our politicians end up pimping us out to their friends in ‘outside countries’ and back home at much higher rates, that culminate into among other givens, blatant land grabbing.

There will be a few politicians bold enough to speak out against land grabbing and Monsanto, but since they are not speaking out against President Museveni’s shameless land give away bonanza now, they won’t do so choking on baked potatoes and what not.

Meaning, they too know which side of their bread is buttered and by who––before they sell us the democracy and good governance campaign rhetoric.

Already the #GoForward campaign is so sleek and Mbabazi’s tongue is so sweet, he is already selling us ‘billy goats for cows.’

The campaign slogan in itself is a continuation of the general NRM ‘sleep’ ideology. Mbabazi is encouraging us to move on.

The mechanics of the slogan, in addition to the astute arguments from his town criers make bringing up the scandals that have hovered over Mbabazi’s head since 2007, near impossible. Why? Because ‘to err is human.’ Too bad, we can’t apply the same amnesia to Ofwono Opondo’s underwear shoplifting episode.

Mbabazi’s sudden transformation from Saul to Paul has been so drastic and passive-aggressive so much so that, he can easily convince us that 1 Timothy 5:23 says ‘smoke a little weed’ instead of ‘…use a little wine for the sake of your stomachs and…frequent sicknesses.’ And of course, a number of people will say; “oh. Okay.”

By all accounts, NRM is the party and regime that kills brilliant minds while clowns thrive. Look around. These days one has to slap me hard before I remember the name of the current Vice President. It is therefore interesting to see many an NRM school of thought dropout speaking against the dictatorship.

Yet, there is need to focus on their other motivation. The mysterious ‘queue’ bush war pact. The idea that they (NRA veterans) agreed to take turns in ‘leading’ Uganda and that Museveni seems to have other tricks up his sleeve which angers them the most.

First we heard Mbabazi telling Bukenya not to jump the queue. Then General David Ssejusa vowed to have his legs sewn in the place of his arms before he’d salute General Muhoozi. Then President Museveni tells Mbabazi to be patient. After all he (Museveni) will not live forever, Mbabazi can afford to be patient.

Every time I listen to the casual insinuation of this queue pact, the picture I get is that of men standing outside a public toilet at the city square waiting to you know––blah blah blah. And then I wonder if them posturing themselves as would be saviors of Uganda is anything but fraudulent.

Of course change is pertinent. Ugandans got tired of the bush war rhetoric a long time ago.

However, Mbabazi like many other NRM cadres slept through countless high profile day time murders that have never been solved, school fires, the Kibwetere inferno, market fires, trillions lost in corruption scandals and is silent about the ongoing land grabbing.

He has been indifferent to the ever degenerating education system, health system, socio-political system.

This mess has helped the NRM to thrive or as Dickens’ said in A Christmas Carol; ‘darkness is cheap…’ and NRM has thrived on it.

In storytelling, the gist of the process is chronicling the changes in a character’s trajectory and or the plot. Looking at the morally suspect modus operandi of NRM and Mbabazi choosing to #GoForward within the NRM structures, I wonder, ‘what has really changed?’

Having been Museveni’s blue boy for a longtime, his rise in the party as well as in government, coupled with the ever growing dissent against his ascension as voiced by General Otafiire, the rebel MPs, Professor Gilbert Bukenya and now Hon. Rebecca Kadaga; I had always wondered what Mbabazi has on Brecht’s notorious gangster Ui, in the play The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui.

Ui astutely hijacks vegetable trade in Chicago. Ui makes propositions, people reject them, people die, et cetera and  yet in his last speech in the play, he turns out spotless (in his eyes at least.)

By the accounts of all speaking on behalf of NRM, it is clear that Mbabazi is trying to hijack NRM from NRM. We can only sit and wait and see who will win. Museveni or Mbabazi?.

The fickle crowds that just recently were baying for Mbabazi’s blood, have had their memory of the billions lost under Mbabazi’s tutelage, like chalk dust under a child’s palm––erased.

In the meantime, today, the only dirt anyone can find on Hon. John Patrick Amama Mbabazi is only the dirt on the sole of his shoes.

Well done, sir.

  • Emmanuel Lubega Muwonge

    I get the impression from reading this that there is nothing worth fighting for. Whether true or not is not the issue I believe ought to arise. My question becomes, why then are they fighting? At least it seems like they are. Are they? If fighting, why would they? What difference does it make whon”wins”? Win what? “Well done” she says. Seriously?
    “Go forward” is a big issue here. The apparent zeal to go forward, whatever that entails, is an exercise that defies logic. My logic. You cannot go forward before resolving the present. It seems to me that “going forward” is a solo effort that is being interwoven into the rest of us without any due regard to how we fee and why. It is foolhardy to expect me to go forward with you, knowing fully well that I am most concerned about yesterday and today’s meals I have yet to feed on. Why would I care about your going forward? What’s in it for me? After all you are the very reason why I am in the place I find myself in. Do you expect me to believe what you appear ready to dish out.

    Dirt on shoes is more often than not the best evidence. That is, if you know what to look for.

    • Namulyanga Kiwewesi

      I trust those ‘fighting’ have everything to gain and lose. However, the rest of the country has reduced it’s self to the role of spectators. Not giving as much attention to the land grabbing in Northern Uganda and elsewhere, as an example. We are enjoying this side-show staged by two men engaging in an ego/bragging rights duel to our peril of course. If only the rest of the stake holders/ citizens were as zealous in their pursuit of what rightfully belongs to them. Making a stand against all this nonsense and aggrandizement. I trust the country gains nothing out of spectating. Except the opportunistic elements being bought (perhaps) to sit ringside during the boxing match.

      #GoForward asks us to forget. What do they want us to forget and why?

      #GoForward is a sinister attempt aimed at blindsiding a country against demanding accountability from a key player in a regime that has plundered Uganda left, right and center. To his advantage.

      #GoForward disregards decades of mismanagement of a country’s public resources as mere––errors. & what does that mean to errors that are to be committed in the future?

      You say #GoForward is foolhardy? Translate it to Luganda and then you’ll know how extremely distasteful such a suggestion sounds in regards to the past 30 years of NRM rule.

      Pardon the sarcasm that ends the article. But when someone declares himself as Mr. Clean, all you can do is ask him to show you his heels. And then you’ll know where he has been per the dirt on his shoes.